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Really Young Adult

by HELH

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1.
Body 03:10
This is just a human body This is just a human body This is not something to sweetly stroke This is not something to gently kiss This is not a fragile thing It’s hard and it’s warm and it’s fuzzy This is just a human body It just wants to fuck an American pie It just wants to be the big spoon It just wants to thrust I’m gonna pull you close I’m gonna I don’t know I’m too confused to do what I don’t know how to But I won’t perform I won’t be what you want to see I won’t feel what you want me to This is just a human body it just wants something near This is just a human body Regular and queer I’m gonna pull you close I’m gonna I don’t know I’m too confused to do what I don’t know how to But I won’t perform I won’t be what you want to see I won’t feel what you want me to This is just a human body This is just a human body (written in 2015)
2.
Get a Job 03:02
Get a Job I don’t want to produce I want to absorb I don’t want to produce I want to absorb Every thought is a dichotomy Every back turned is a need I’m looking for a future I’m looking for a job I’m looking for something I can endure I’m looking for a dream I’m not dreaming of a job I’m dreaming of something I can endure I don’t want to produce I want to absorb I don’t want to produce I want to absorb Every thought is a dichotomy Every back turned is a need I’m scared of the dynamic, wanting the monotonous A dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip, mum mum mum mum mum mum I’m losing perspectives, it’s hard to find meaning when you’re being static I don’t want to produce I want to absorb I don’t want to produce I want to absorb Every thought is a dichotomy Every back turned is a need All of my friends are moving back home and I’ve thought about it too I’m stuck in the limbo of being indecisive There’s no one telling me what I should do I don’t want to produce I want to absorb I don’t want to produce I want to absorb Every thought is a dichotomy Every back turned is a need I’m looking for a future I’m looking for a job I’m looking for something I can endure I’m looking for a dream I’m not dreaming of a job I’m dreaming of something I can endure I don’t want to produce I want to absorb I don’t want to produce I want to absorb Every thought is a dichotomy Every back turned is a need (written in 2016-2017)
3.
Meg Ryan 03:06
I can always find the human connection that fits between myself and looming emptiness It's so easy to avoid to explore What's inside when I know what you're waiting for It’s better to be busy than to be without cause I think, then I’m dreaming about loneliness I don't want to participate But I can't justify my escape I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan Open all the windows but stay in bed Run off to the country and call a friend Get lost in the city, never seen again We're destructive for fun, pleasure is a gun Crave domination until everything has faded away Have you heard about deep adaptation How we can't survive in this civilisation? If I cut back on electricity Just travelled locally, lived life sustainably If I boycotted every company Would that mean another world could be? I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan Open all the windows but stay in bed Run off to the country and call a friend Get lost in the city, never seen again 20-year-old me wrote on my blog I'd gone vegan I said I strived to be as perfect as I could Spoken like a fascist, said Anonymous I didn't think it was that ominous I inherited my morals from a faith I've disposed of I'm tryna find new guidelines in a liberal void Everything is ugly, I can't handle the truth And I'm still asking what would Jesus do I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan Open all the windows but stay in bed Run off to the country and call a friend Get lost in the city, never seen again (written in 2017)
4.
Celibacy 02:08
Once a day I think of celibacy Choosing it more decisively Might give a sense of serenity To close my eyes to possibility Once a day I think of celibacy Being my own it feels like being free Having nothing but my company And I'm not hurting anybody No pain but feeling lonely Once a day I think of celibacy Fuck you and your policy To say that we shouldn't enjoy to be Exploring all aspects of our humanity But Once a day I think of celibacy Nothing will ever be messy I'll turn them down with sympathy Talking but no ending will be happy No pain but feeling lonely (written in 2016-2020)
5.
Fluid 02:24
Pausing to breath in the smells of all that just were frozen Feel the sun upon your lashes Hear the rhythm of the waves Isn't it embarrassing to exist but we could just say we were streams Flowing on without aim Slowly moving upwards and inwards Reaching after becoming Softening the self again Isn't it embarrassing to exist especially when you dare to dream Trying on new ways Passing through the nature growing with it growing out of it Forgiving inconsistencies Left warm and melted on the ground Isn't it embarrassing to exist but we could just say we were streams Flowing on without aim (written in 2017)
6.
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Want me need me want me need me Want me need me want me need me So won’t you be my Delilah Take me break me Cut it all off, leave me weak I’ve been sleeping for half the day now You, I just want to keep you here, shithead Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Want me need me want me need me Want me need me want me need me So won’t you be my Delilah Take me break me Cut it all off, leave me weak I’ve been sleeping for half the day now You, I just want to keep you near, close to me Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me When I’ll think back, I’ll remember so many things When I’ll think back, I’ll remember starting school When I’ll think back, I’ll remember so many things When I’ll think back, I’ll remember voting for the first time Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Don’t believe she doesn’t want me Don’t believe she doesn’t need me Want me need me want me need me Want me need me want me need me So won’t you be my Delilah (written in 2014)
7.
LYWYL 02:15
How should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving When you’re leaving me I try to be balanced and I try to be true I try to be available available for you But how should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving When you’re leaving me I try to release you and I try to be free I try to support you As you would me But how should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving How should I love you when you’re leaving When you’re leaving me (written in 2017)
8.
Comfort Zone 02:28
You cheer each other on as you reach further away I hear it’s wonderful well that’s what you say I just want to feel safe in a solitary home But magic stuff will happen when I leave my comfort zone Magic stuff will happen when I leave my comfort zone Everything’s uncomfortable all of the time There is not a feeling that has only made me smile What about the zone where you’re constantly uptight What would be more magical that just feeling alright What would be more magical than just feeling alright Travelling is to be left without an everyday routine Outside the daily life I question all to the obscene I constantly fail to make meaningful connections I go deeper into myself when I have no distractions There is a lot of time along the trans-Siberian railway I think the elderly couple in our compartment hates me I feel my confidence sinking like a stone Magic stuff happens here, outside my comfort zone Magic stuff happens here, outside my comfort zone (written in 2017)
9.
I’m covered in bruises from my summer job You’re covered in bruises from the worry you got I’m working late nights, you work in the day Last year this time we were in a summer haze Texting after clubbing, late at night I missed the last bus I said, but I lied Sleeping next to you felt so new Our bodies sticking together, stick to my girl like glue Second summer, second, second summer Getting anxious, will there be another? Now we're writing to each other on lunch breaks Talking bout last August made my heart ache Were we happier then? I can still recall But through the lens of nostalgia I can't see it all Shy breakfasts on your balcony Not thinking about what we could be Both trying to get closer and trying to stall Knowing that becoming something makes a higher fall Second summer, second, second summer Getting anxious, will there be another? For all those years intellectualising, Always holding back but never realising Surface-level is confusing and boring I want you for real and I want the whole thing Unlocking your door with my own key Laughing when a ferry comes by when you're inside me Waking up together to days good and bad Through it all I wanna be your comrade (written in 2018)
10.
Kill 03:35
All of your thoughts All of your moves All the stories from your past All the changes in your mood Serve them like a meal Let me devour everything Won't be content until I puke I'm hungry for all things you I'm scared to not let you live To build a non-threatening doll "Oh all the things she could give If she did not have a soul" I'm scared that all that I see is the projection I make "I want a copy of me I do not care it's a fake" All of your thoughts All of your moves All the stories from your past All the changes in your mood Serve them like a meal Let me devour everything Won't be content until I puke I'm hungry for all things you I'm scared to not allow change To close my eyes for new truth "What should I do with range When only habit can sooth" I'm scared I'll stop listening to you in a moment of weakness I'll be like "That's so cute, boo But I couldn't care less" All of your thoughts All of your moves All the stories from your past All the changes in your mood Serve them like a meal Let me devour everything Won't be content until I puke I'm hungry for all things you All the ways I could kill us Oh all the ways I could kill us (written in 2017)
11.
Peaked 02:50
Kindness is good Morality is all That's how I feel It makes living small enough to handle I love these rules I'm obedient Someone felt chained by tools to liberate That's how it feels They'd make living small enough to handle You wanted me You needed something new Body and soul Representation is cool That was my spring Now something else grows Buds breaking News of what the future holds I never know what I want anyway I never know what I want anyway Calm and controlled That's for me Cause no offence Then we can live quietly That's how I feel It makes living small enough to handle A tested routine Ruled by shame Action speaks loud All else is a game Playing games it makes living small enough to handle You wanted me You needed something new Body and soul Representation is cool That was my spring Now something else grows Buds breaking News of what the future holds I never know what I want anyway I never know what I want anyway Kindness is good Morality is all That's how I feel It makes living small enough to handle (written in 2019)

about

Written as an exploration of the years between 20 and 30, the debut album of HELH covers the search for identity, community, freedom, love, work and stability. The songs, made between 2014 and the present, can be seen as a collection of diary entries following a personal history of falling in love or looking for work, while also being shaped by the time they were written in.

credits

released November 18, 2022

Body and Another Delilah produced by Dreemy/Linnéa Gustafsson
Album mixed by Dreemy/Linnéa Gustafsson
Album mastered by Anna G. Engberg

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HELH Gothenburg, Sweden

Musical diary.

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