1. |
Body
03:10
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This is just a human body
This is just a human body
This is not something to sweetly stroke
This is not something to gently kiss
This is not a fragile thing
It’s hard and it’s warm and it’s fuzzy
This is just a human body
It just wants to fuck an American pie
It just wants to be the big spoon
It just wants to thrust
I’m gonna pull you close
I’m gonna I don’t know
I’m too confused to do
what I don’t know how to
But I won’t perform
I won’t be what you
want to see
I won’t feel what you want me to
This is just a human body it just
wants something near
This is just a human body
Regular and queer
I’m gonna pull you close
I’m gonna I don’t know
I’m too confused to do
what I don’t know how to
But I won’t perform
I won’t be what you
want to see
I won’t feel what you want me to
This is just a human body
This is just a human body
(written in 2015)
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2. |
Get a Job
03:02
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Get a Job
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
Every thought is a dichotomy
Every back turned is a need
I’m looking for a future I’m looking for a job
I’m looking for something I can endure
I’m looking for a dream I’m not dreaming of a job
I’m dreaming of something I can endure
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
Every thought is a dichotomy
Every back turned is a need
I’m scared of the dynamic, wanting the monotonous
A dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip, mum mum mum mum mum mum
I’m losing perspectives, it’s hard to find meaning
when you’re being static
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
Every thought is a dichotomy
Every back turned is a need
All of my friends are moving back home
and I’ve thought about it too
I’m stuck in the limbo of being indecisive
There’s no one telling me what I should do
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
Every thought is a dichotomy
Every back turned is a need
I’m looking for a future I’m looking for a job
I’m looking for something I can endure
I’m looking for a dream I’m not dreaming of a job
I’m dreaming of something I can endure
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
I don’t want to produce
I want to absorb
Every thought is a dichotomy
Every back turned is a need
(written in 2016-2017)
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3. |
Meg Ryan
03:06
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I can always find the human connection
that fits between myself and looming emptiness
It's so easy to avoid to explore
What's inside when I know what you're waiting for
It’s better to be busy than to be without cause
I think, then I’m dreaming about loneliness
I don't want to participate
But I can't justify my escape
I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan
Open all the windows but stay in bed
Run off to the country and call a friend
Get lost in the city, never seen again
We're destructive for fun, pleasure is a gun
Crave domination until everything has faded away
Have you heard about deep adaptation
How we can't survive in this civilisation?
If I cut back on electricity
Just travelled locally, lived life sustainably
If I boycotted every company
Would that mean another world could be?
I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan
Open all the windows but stay in bed
Run off to the country and call a friend
Get lost in the city, never seen again
20-year-old me wrote on my blog I'd gone vegan
I said I strived to be as perfect as I could
Spoken like a fascist, said Anonymous
I didn't think it was that ominous
I inherited my morals from a faith I've disposed of
I'm tryna find new guidelines in a liberal void
Everything is ugly, I can't handle the truth
And I'm still asking what would Jesus do
I just want to log off and watch Meg Ryan
Open all the windows but stay in bed
Run off to the country and call a friend
Get lost in the city, never seen again
(written in 2017)
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4. |
Celibacy
02:08
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Once a day I think of celibacy
Choosing it more decisively
Might give a sense of serenity
To close my eyes to possibility
Once a day I think of celibacy
Being my own it feels like being free
Having nothing but my company
And I'm not hurting anybody
No pain but feeling lonely
Once a day I think of celibacy
Fuck you and your policy
To say that we shouldn't enjoy to be
Exploring all aspects of our humanity
But
Once a day I think of celibacy
Nothing will ever be messy
I'll turn them down with sympathy
Talking but no ending will be happy
No pain but feeling lonely
(written in 2016-2020)
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5. |
Fluid
02:24
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Pausing to breath in the smells of all that just were frozen
Feel the sun upon your lashes
Hear the rhythm of the waves
Isn't it embarrassing to exist
but we could just say we were streams
Flowing on without aim
Slowly moving upwards and inwards
Reaching after becoming
Softening the self again
Isn't it embarrassing to exist
especially when you dare to dream
Trying on new ways
Passing through the nature growing with it growing out of it
Forgiving inconsistencies
Left warm and melted on the ground
Isn't it embarrassing to exist
but we could just say we were streams
Flowing on without aim
(written in 2017)
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6. |
Another Delilah
04:23
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Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Want me need me want me need me
Want me need me want me need me
So won’t you be my Delilah
Take me break me
Cut it all off, leave me weak
I’ve been sleeping for half the day now
You, I just want to keep you here,
shithead
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Want me need me want me need me
Want me need me want me need me
So won’t you be my Delilah
Take me break me
Cut it all off, leave me weak
I’ve been sleeping for half the day now
You, I just want to keep you near,
close to me
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
When I’ll think back, I’ll remember so many things
When I’ll think back, I’ll remember starting school
When I’ll think back, I’ll remember so many things
When I’ll think back, I’ll remember voting for the first time
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Don’t believe she doesn’t want me
Don’t believe she doesn’t need me
Want me need me want me need me
Want me need me want me need me
So won’t you be my Delilah
(written in 2014)
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7. |
LYWYL
02:15
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How should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
When you’re leaving me
I try to be balanced
and I try to be true
I try to be available
available for you
But how should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
When you’re leaving me
I try to release you
and I try to be free
I try to support you
As you would me
But how should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
How should I love you when you’re leaving
When you’re leaving me
(written in 2017)
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8. |
Comfort Zone
02:28
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You cheer each other on as you reach further away
I hear it’s wonderful well that’s what you say
I just want to feel safe in a solitary home
But magic stuff will happen when I leave my comfort zone
Magic stuff will happen when I leave my comfort zone
Everything’s uncomfortable all of the time
There is not a feeling that has only made me smile
What about the zone where you’re constantly uptight
What would be more magical that just feeling alright
What would be more magical than just feeling alright
Travelling is to be left without an everyday routine
Outside the daily life I question all to the obscene
I constantly fail to make meaningful connections
I go deeper into myself when I have no distractions
There is a lot of time along the trans-Siberian railway
I think the elderly couple in our compartment hates me
I feel my confidence sinking like a stone
Magic stuff happens here, outside my comfort zone
Magic stuff happens here, outside my comfort zone
(written in 2017)
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9. |
Second Summer
03:35
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I’m covered in bruises from my summer job
You’re covered in bruises from the worry you got
I’m working late nights, you work in the day
Last year this time we were in a summer haze
Texting after clubbing, late at night
I missed the last bus I said, but I lied
Sleeping next to you felt so new
Our bodies sticking together, stick to my girl like glue
Second summer, second, second summer
Getting anxious, will there be another?
Now we're writing to each other on lunch breaks
Talking bout last August made my heart ache
Were we happier then? I can still recall
But through the lens of nostalgia I can't see it all
Shy breakfasts on your balcony
Not thinking about what we could be
Both trying to get closer and trying to stall
Knowing that becoming something makes a higher fall
Second summer, second, second summer
Getting anxious, will there be another?
For all those years intellectualising,
Always holding back but never realising
Surface-level is confusing and boring
I want you for real and I want the whole thing
Unlocking your door with my own key
Laughing when a ferry comes by when you're inside me
Waking up together to days good and bad
Through it all I wanna be your comrade
(written in 2018)
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10. |
Kill
03:35
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All of your thoughts
All of your moves
All the stories from your past
All the changes in your mood
Serve them like a meal
Let me devour everything
Won't be content until I puke
I'm hungry for all things you
I'm scared to not let you live
To build a non-threatening doll
"Oh all the things she could give
If she did not have a soul"
I'm scared that all that I see
is the projection I make
"I want a copy of me
I do not care it's a fake"
All of your thoughts
All of your moves
All the stories from your past
All the changes in your mood
Serve them like a meal
Let me devour everything
Won't be content until I puke
I'm hungry for all things you
I'm scared to not allow change
To close my eyes for new truth
"What should I do with range
When only habit can sooth"
I'm scared I'll stop listening to you
in a moment of weakness
I'll be like "That's so cute, boo
But I couldn't care less"
All of your thoughts
All of your moves
All the stories from your past
All the changes in your mood
Serve them like a meal
Let me devour everything
Won't be content until I puke
I'm hungry for all things you
All the ways I could kill us
Oh all the ways I could kill us
(written in 2017)
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11. |
Peaked
02:50
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Kindness is good
Morality is all
That's how I feel
It makes living small
enough to handle
I love these rules
I'm obedient
Someone felt chained
by tools to liberate
That's how it feels
They'd make living small
enough to handle
You wanted me
You needed something new
Body and soul
Representation is cool
That was my spring
Now something else grows
Buds breaking
News of what the future holds
I never know what I want anyway
I never know what I want anyway
Calm and controlled
That's for me
Cause no offence
Then we can live quietly
That's how I feel
It makes living small
enough to handle
A tested routine
Ruled by shame
Action speaks loud
All else is a game
Playing games
it makes living small
enough to handle
You wanted me
You needed something new
Body and soul
Representation is cool
That was my spring
Now something else grows
Buds breaking
News of what the future holds
I never know what I want anyway
I never know what I want anyway
Kindness is good
Morality is all
That's how I feel
It makes living small
enough to handle
(written in 2019)
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